Pay Attention – I Already Came Out

October 16th, 2014 | Categories: Uncategorized

National Coming Out Day took place this past weekend. The topic came up on a Facebook Page I follow of whether all homosexuals should come out. The idea was an altruistic one that everyone gay or straight should be able to say who they are and let the world know! This is an admirable idea but it’s simply more complicated than that.

You see, the problem is that I never had to out myself as straight.

Not once.

So why should someone have to out themselves as gay?

We have friends who some people are mad at because they never officially said, “Yes! Friends and family, we are a gay couple.”

But you know what, why should they have to? If it walks like a duck, quacks likes a duck, then it’s a duck.

If people assume I am straight because of how I behave, I think it is fair for people to assume people are gay because of the way they behave and if we get corrected in either way then that’s fine. But to demand someone out themselves so that there is certainty around the issue is a terrible thing. It places an unnecessary burden on a member of an already marginalized group.

My son wears dresses. I don’t out my son as a boy unless I am directly asked. I don’t walk up to people and say, “He’s a boy in case you were wondering.” I don’t hide it either.

But people feel entitled to ask because they want to make themselves feel more certain. They can’t handle the stress of not knowing what pronoun they should use, what topics they should discuss, what compliments they should give, and so forth.

Guess what? The same exact ones whether you think he is a boy or a girl.

Mutual friends say, “Our friends will feel better if they can talk openly about it.” They ask, “Why don’t these friends trust us enough to tell us?”

Guess what? They already did tell you with how they are behaving.

National Coming Out Day is important because it recognizes the difficulty people who want to come out face. But if you have a friend who is gay, looks gay, acts guy, and has someone who serves the function of a significant other who is the same gender, then your friend has already come out. You just aren’t paying attention.

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